socks – stocking stuffer from Ma’, sock suspenders – eBay find, heels – too big because my feet seemed to have shrunk – Betsey Johnson Sophiaa Platform Pump

I love my sock suspenders. Lisa, the photographer, does not. She kept calling me Forest Gump. We had to shoot photos for this more than once because she was laughing at me and the camera was shaking.

Well, who has the last laugh now? Oh, that’s right – still Lisa. No matter, I think it’s obvious I’m about to start a major trend. And, nooo, that trend doesn’t have to involve forgetting to moistourize like the, em, model in the photo. Who isn’t me.